What to learn from the past

The past keeps haunting us whether we like it or not and we come across things that happened years and years ago in our grandparents’ stories, in more or less interesting history lessons or in our own memories. Sometimes we all feel that some things would have better been forgotten especially when we are criticized but some other times we find many good examples while looking back.

So, does history always tend to repeat or it just teaches us some lessons, and if it’s so what is it that we should learn?

  1. Family life

In the past (more or less distant) children were supposed to obey their parents totally, many times because of fear and over-imposed respect. They had the main decisional role in their life until they got married and even after that. Parents were many times the ones to decide who their children were going to marry, and their word was more important than the bride’s or the groom’s.

Does it look grim? Indeed, we could find some of these not quite acceptable now. However, there are a lot of things that today’s family has lost. Even though relations between children and parents are no longer based on a nearly-religious fear they are tensed because the notion of respect has solely remained a notion. And how about the family itself? How long is it since you’ve seen your uncle, cousins or grandparents? If you’re among the lucky ones it’s been a few days or maybe weeks, but in many cases years pass before relatives see each other. Families don’t even eat together now.

What to learn?

What we have now is more ways of communication. This should allow us to return at least a bit to the extended family that used to exist in the past. The modern man needs affection maybe more than before because of the fast-pacing life we have now and keeping relatives at distance will surely bring many disadvantages. So grab your phone at birthdays or on the holidays period or at least send a few e-cards!

We have the possibility of making our own decisions now. But are we doing this correctly? Many of us refuse any kind of advice or warning related to our personal life, friends, money or education, many times leading to unpleasant repercussions. Listening to advice was something the young people in the past used to do much more than we do, this also being a proof of respect. Don’t you think we need more of that now?

What we all should know is that no matter how much we evolve and what new inventions we come up with, family will remain a centre around which we gravitate and we should never forget who we are and were we come from.

  1. Work

Work has changed a great deal in the last years as machines have replaced handwork and computers have become almost impossible to live without. Work used to be quite unpleasant in the past as there were endless work hours every week without help and usually in harsh conditions. Education was accessible to only the privileged so the others had few chances of reaching far. Many of us would certainly have trouble adjusting to such conditions.

So, is there anything to learn from these spine-chilling descriptions of work in the past?

The answer is yes.

At that time people could not afford to waste time doing nothing or just gossiping. Work was hard, families had to be fed, so they were rather more interested in making their work easier.

So you should be at least a bit thankful for the work you do now even if you could do better. Stop listening to all nonsense and little office conspiracies. It would be absolutely great if people used their energy in order to create and no to destroy.

Life is much more than the new convertible your boss bought or the fur coat you saw yesterday (they do terrible things to animals to make that coat anyway so it would be better if it stayed in the shop). Learn to enjoy what you have, to set a goal, to be kinder to your workmates and count your blessings at least from time to time.

  1. Spirituality

Our ancestors used to go to church every holiday and all their life was practically based on their religion on a way or another. Wars were started, rulers were born, lives were taken, all starting from people’s beliefs. Everything was a sign, obedience was demanded.

Since the deeply-religious times the world has changed and science has begun to be more and more important and less regarded as a blasphemy. Religion is still highly-priced and most of the planet embraces a religion in a way or another. But have we lost our peace?

What to do?

Nowadays everyone has a choice: whether or not to believe and if the answer is yes how much to involve. Even though we see religion taken way too far every day we turn on the TV, prayers or some kind of spiritual activity is known to have a positive effect on one’s mental health and stress level.

Even though our ancestors would not ask many questions and even created the Inquisition, they had some very good values which governed their conduct.

Many of those tend to fade nowadays, so a little meditation and check on our behavior would do nothing but good.

Believer or not, everyone needs some time to ask themselves some questions and to set a goal, other than buying a new house or seeing the boss fired.

So, the past can definitely teach us how not to repeat some mistakes and how to use what we have now as best as we can. Making a new mistake will teach us more than repeating the old ones.

The lost art of avoiding and handling conflicts

Our relations with the others seem to do nothing but to make our existence complicated and stressful. We all must admit we are practically fighting over the most meaningless things in the world as negotiation seems to have become a lost art. However hard it is, you should learn that it is better to give up sometimes and that you may not always be right.

But, if a conflict still occurs remember that the best way to solve is through empathy. Imagine you are in the other’s position and decide whether it is worth or not to go on discussing the issue. Take the others’ arguments into consideration too and you will manage to handle every kind of situation easily.

At work- a lot of conflicts are caused by one’s job as there are a lot of factors which, combined with the high level of stress lead to strong disagreements from time to time. So what do you do when someone tries to get your post or if you are overlooked for promotion no matter how much you have worked? Definitely, the first thing that comes into your mind is to go and tell a couple of things to them. However, as long as the other’s actions do not affect you there is not point in doing that; you can also compromise your position by starting a fight at work. What you can do is to have a very relaxed attitude, do your best at work and show everyone that that job is yours to keep. By showing not to care at all about anything negative happening around you will gain points and look more professional.

If your boss is the problem and you think his treatment is unfair towards you or others you have every right in the world to complain. However, be sure that you can support your accusations and that you can point out on some real problems. Be calm and don’t forget that your boss is still an authority! In more serious cases you can ask for advice from a lawyer to be sure that you do the right thing.

And if someone broke your favorite cup or spoilt the perfect order of your files don’t make a fuss about it! That person probably feels bad enough about it! One simple discussion should be enough. As about gossip, don’t let that get to you. Comments are part of every successful person’s life.

At home – one’s home should be a peaceful place to relax. However fights occur very often in most families as gathered stress from work, frustrations and insufficient time spent together can easily make someone lose their temper. Family conflicts are very hard to handle many times as they are not always based on rational reasons and strong feelings and suffering are involved. So what should you do?

Parents and children: the generation gap has always brought a whole lot of discussions whether about music, lifestyle or friends. What you should know is that your parents only want the best for you, so, even if they may seem a little (or extremely) exaggerated don’t make a tragedy out of it. Of course, nobody likes to be told what friends to have or who to go out with but before starting to shout, think it over. They may be right as they can see things you just don’t. And if they are just trying to protect you, discuss calmly and explain your reasons for making a certain choice ( even though a huge tattoo on your arm may not be very easy to explain). Accept compromise even if you don’t like it. Prove to them that you can be responsible and you can think for yourself and most important, don’t offend them or tell unpleasant things. You will regret it later!

Couple affairs: when it comes to couples, matters become even more complicated as one’s feelings can be hurt in many different ways. Shouting, accusing and threatening about you moving back with your mother will not help a relationship but will destroy it. A relationship should always be built on trust and respect so this is why two people should be able to discuss practically every subject without being embarrassed or afraid. Making some time for each other should solve most of the problems, but when having to face others again do your best not to hurt the other. Angry words said during a fight can leave wounds that are hard to heal. So think why your partner might be mad and don’t decide from the start that you are right. Listen and don’t make sudden decisions as regrets will be useless later.

Everywhere – we see people fighting in shops, hotels, in the parking lot, on the street; even if they do not know each other they find a reason or another to start a conflict. Of course, there are a lot of people who show no respect or who lack in experience so they are totally incapable to have a post. What is annoying is that these people appear when you need them the least. But, even if you look at the incompetent clerk in front of you and feel like just hitting him with your umbrella, take a deep breath, be polite and wait. You may be just as annoying in some cases (OK, maybe not as much) and you would not enjoy such behavior. And then, by being calm and respectful you will not make things even harder then they already are!

So, even though many times it’s terribly hard to resist the temptation of just hitting someone remember that there are better solutions for avoiding and managing a conflict. Make your life and the others’ simple and pleasant!